Updated: Jan 17
Soulmates are special relationships. They challenge, calm and ground us - simultaneously. They bring out the best and worst in us. They trigger our weaknesses and strengths - to strengthen, encourage, and help us on every level. Heart, mind, body and soul. They also make us laugh - often.
If we have beliefs that no longer serve us, or never benefited us, Soulmates will naturally challenge those beliefs. Until we "get it" and "flip it."
If we have unsubstantiated fears that block us from our true potential, they will naturally show us those. Until we "get it" and "flip it." Once "flipped", then it's play time with our Soulmates. Laughter, fun, renewed intimacy and peace.
Soulmate relationships touch our heart, mind, body and soul. Whether their relationship to us is trusted friend, family member, spouse, child, animal, colleague, neighbor or a romantic one.
Soulmates open our heart, clear our mind of endless chatter or fears, ground our body on Earth and soothe our soul. In ways that other people cannot. They can also do the opposite, if we're not careful.
Without strong individual boundaries, a soulmate (no matter what type of relationship) can break your heart, puncture your soul, and/or clutter your mind with doubts or fears. They bring out your deepest fears and most spectacular joys. Finding the right balance is key to a harmonious Soulmate relationship. It's instinctual and easy.
However, sometimes we get wrapped up in "the mind", preventing us from seeing clearly and appreciating the other person (soulmate). That blocks the Soulmate energy-gift. Good News: Soulmate conflicts are temporary.
In previous blogs, I talk about the unique, beautiful, wonderful essence of Soulmate relationships. All of that is true. Today, let's talk about the conflicts that may appear; what can go wrong; how to remedy it.
Soulmate conflicts. When a soulmate appears in your life, you each have a job to do with/for the other.
Main job: To bring out the best in each other; help each other reach full individual potential; help each other accomplish Soul Destiny goals; help each other "pop out" an old belief that impairs your ability to live a full, happy, contented, accomplished life. You both signed a soul agreement; a spiritual agreement. Sometimes you will know that. Sometimes you will not. No worries. It's a natural process. Don't over-think it.
Every pair of Soulmates signed a spiritual soul agreement long before birth. The agreement lists when he/she will appear, how he/she will help you, how you will help him/her, what type of relationship you will have, how long it will last. Soulmates can appear in your life for 5 minutes or 50 years.
The Soulmate Agreement also lists "warnings" or "contractual default clauses." The main default clause: "If Person A does this, the soul contract is null & void. If Person B does this, the soul contract is null & void."
Soul Mate relationship contracts have default clauses. You're not required to keep a Soulmate in your life if they "default" on their agreement.
The bond between soulmates is powerful and strong. Trust must exist to ground and balance the relationship. Establishing trust, building or rebuilding trust, or strengthening trust: vital to the relationship. If betrayals plagued your relationship in the past (current or past lifetime), rebuilding trust is essential to your soul, heart, mind and body. And your spiritual agreement with each other. Trust is essential to your Soulmate "jobs."
If we're caught in an endless loop of misery or pain, or we're ready to release old patterns that bring us misery or pain, soulmates appear and push those buttons - so we can see those outdated beliefs or patterns more clearly. Sometimes Soulmates do this in a beautiful, nice, gentle way. Sometimes they do this in a destructive "in your face" way.
Once we clearly see an outdated or self-sabotaging belief that prevents us from living a happy, balanced, joyful life - we can change it! We can "flip the script": replace the damaging belief with a beneficial belief. Once we exchange a damaging belief with a healthy good one - we're back on our Sacred Path! Moving toward and capturing what we want in this life: heart, mind, body and soul. Soulmates make this "belief exchange" process much more fun, easier and quicker. Soulmates are magical, vital and positive.
While Soulmate relationships are vital to our life experience, they can also inflict pain if we're not careful. Soulmates know us: heart, mind, body, soul. They know us in many ways - better than we know ourselves. Whether we are consciously aware of it. Popping us out of our "autopilot" or "backward beliefs" is part of their job. And our job with them. That's why trust must exist between soulmates. Trust is crucial.
We must keep strong boundaries with soulmates - especially when we first meet them. No matter the strength of the connection and knowledge of your "spiritual agreement", protect yourself. Here's an example.
One of my soulmates returned to me over two months ago, after a 10-year hiatus. We knew each other in Texas. We hadn't spoken in years. Soulmate called me out of the blue. I don't believe in coincidences nor accidents. Years ago, I knew we were soulmates: best friend soulmates. He wasn't ready for that. Neither was I. So we parted ways.
Back then, I knew our spiritual agreement: issues we were meant to help each other with. Trust in life's natural processes; trust the opposite sex; realize the value we bring to romantic relationships; help each other trust enough to move toward better, more loving and intimate romantic relationships. His job with me: open my heart and clear some PTSD blocks. My job with him: bring peace, stability and balance. Our "contractual" relationship: close trusted friends. Our agreement: Elevate our individual consciousness and pop out limiting beliefs and fears like air in a balloon. Pop limiting or damaging beliefs that prevented us from reaching our individual potentials in relationships, life in general, and Soul Destiny goals. Bring out the best in one another. Remind each other of our gifts, talents and value. Prepare our souls and hearts for the next steps in our individual lives - finding the right romantic match for us both and developing that with no fear. Practice a romantic relationship with each other in a 2-person Circle of Trust for a very brief time. Then parting ways in a loving friendship way; keeping the friendship intact. To accomplish all those goals, we had to build strong trust. In order to build trust, we needed ground rules and boundaries.
We mutually agreed to certain ground rules and boundaries. I kept our agreements. He was more stubborn; not always keeping his. We'd discuss it; then laugh. Strengthening our bond, trust and "soul contract."
Our main ground rule: Always be honest with each other. No matter what. Even if it meant hurting the other person. We both kept that agreement. That's an important one. You cannot build or rebuild trust without honesty.
Secondary Ground Rule: Keep your promises. Don't over-promise and under-deliver. I did that. He didn't. He's still moving through that - without me. That Rule is a deal-breaker for me.
Third Ground Rule: Keep our talks civil. Don't blow our tops at each other, causing irreparable damage.
Hard for him to keep promises or obey our mutual Ground Rules. My word is always my bond. When I promise something, I deliver. Understanding someone who cannot do same: major challenge for me. Creates conflict: anger and hurt. While I'm very patient, three strikes and "you're out". Strong boundaries are crucial to me. I "left the reservation" of our rules twice. He "left the reservation" often.
Lesson learned. When Soulmates renege on your consciously-created mutual Ground Rules, take a step back. Decide if that Ground Rule is important enough to "stand your ground." In my case, it was. If the Ground Rule they disobeyed was small, unrealistic or insignificant - revise your Ground Rules together. When a Soulmate or any person - disobeys the Ground Rules, call them on it. If they're not willing to change their behavior, after 3 attempts, walk away. You must let them go: soulmates or not.
Trust and boundaries are crucial to any relationship. Trust must be earned. We "earn a living" by working and getting paid. Same concept applies to relationships' trust. Earn it. Even with soulmates, they must and you must build trust. Work at building trust. Without trust, there can be no relationship: for soulmate and non-soulmate relationships.
With soulmates, if you sense they're not "carrying their own load", contributing to your soul contract, keeping their promises and agreements, while you keep yours - there's no sense in furthering the relationship. It must end. Boundaries must exist in Soulmate relationships - no matter the power and strength of the connection. Keep your boundaries strong. Make sure those boundaries are realistic and helpful to both of you.
Soulmate relationships require trust; more trust than in any other relationship. When you immediately meet a soulmate (in whatever way - family, friend, neighbor, romantic, colleague), you will naturally feel completely safe and trust them. If that soulmate proves you cannot trust them, after numerous attempts, walk away. They failed. Not you.
This soulmate relationship I had was wonderful - as they always are. We could talk and laugh for hours. We completed each others' sentences. When I thought of something, he'd mention it first. We spoke "shorthand". We both sensed when the other was afraid, calm or happy. He calmed my temper (I'm a natural redhead. Hot temper happens occasionally.). I calmed his doubts, self-doubts and inner fears. We had/have a level of trust, honesty, openness that was magnificent. But boundaries are important. I told him what I needed. He told me what he needed. Boundaries perfectly and honestly established.
He continuously disrespected those boundaries and Ground Rules. I disrespected the "rules" twice, then got back on track. Testing the rules, boundaries is also important. Navigating the rules and boundaries together: important in Soulmate and non-soulmate relationships. Respecting the Ground Rules (and boundaries) was part of our Soul Contract. Showing mutual respect, admiration, appreciation: part of our Soul Contract. He couldn't do that consistently. I had to let him go.
Final result: He popped my limiting, self-sabotaging beliefs and helped me replace them with beautiful, beneficial ones. He showed me "my hot buttons" and talked me through how to change my behavior when a "hot button" was pushed. He guided me toward a happier life. I have less fear with romantic relationships now. Less fear about intimacy. He triggered my PTSD - intentionally and in cruel ways. That helped me "pop out" PTSD-related fears. Not sure if he learned lessons I was meant to teach him. That's up to him to decide: individual soul Free Will. Contract complete.
Defaulting on a soul contract happens: with soulmates and non-soulmates. We're all human. Decide if it's a Default or a boundary issue. If a Soulmate defaults, it's not the end of your world. You may feel heartbroken for a while. Your soul may feel sad or mad. Your body might react in strange ways. Your mind might turn to mush. But it's all temporary. It will pass. With time.
You cannot have a Soulmate relationship without establishing and building trust and boundaries. It's actually forbidden. And a waste of your time. You cannot have a Soulmate relationship with a person who defaults on your joint "soul contract."
My mother and I were/are soulmates. Boundaries-Trust: We both remedied-repaired damages we caused each other. Many times. We knew everything about each other. That also meant we knew how to hurt each other. While we never defaulted on our soul contract (it still exists today!), we did a lot of "damage" and lots of repair: sometimes every month of the year! Damage and repair: that is part of the Soul Contract between me and my mother. Reminds us both: everything is a process. Plus we're both redheads; hot tempers happen then quickly diffused.
Every Soul Contract is different. Every Soulmate relationship is different. Four pairs of Soulmates can meet for dinner - and each soulmate couple (friend, family, or romantic) will act and be entirely unique. One thing each Soulmate couple will have in common: mutual respect, admiration, trust, honesty, boundaries, laughter, joy and constant smiles.
Hope that helps you understand Soulmate relationships a little better. They can be challenging, healing, loving, exciting, gentle, rough, peaceful and disruptive. Disruptions might be necessary: to pop you out of a damaging belief. That part doesn't feel good. But it's necessary - to your soul growth and life happiness.
If you're in a Soulmate relationship and it feels "disruptive" or painful - set stronger boundaries with that person. Then "wait it out." Soulmates will never physically harm you. Ever. If you're being physically abused by someone - they are NOT a soulmate. Walk away - fast.
Soulmates might trigger pain (emotional, mental or spiritual). To pop you out of a "misery cycle" or damaging belief. If that happens, take a step back, heal your wounds, then give them another chance. Soulmates will take your pain away. It's part of their job. And part of your job to them. Laughter, mutual respect, admiration, trust, joy and constant smiles: also part of your jobs to each other.
Soulmates ease our path; quicken our enlightenment; raise our awareness; and strengthen our self-empowerment. They're the best gift we get on the planet. Even better than our children. Treat a Soulmate relationship with respect, admiration, trust, honesty and laughter. You will go far. Learn and digest the lessons they're meant to show you. Allow them to learn and digest the lessons you teach them. They may handle life differently than you. Their personality, background or character may be polar opposite to yours. Let all of that "be OK."
The Soulmate relationship is a mutual "win-win" relationship. If one of you reneges on the Ground Rules, that can be repaired. Through honest communication, over time, and with mutual effort. If it's a "deal-breaking" Ground Rule and your Soulmate reneges 90% of the time - walk away. If one of you defaults on your soul contract - you will know it and feel it. Defaults are irreparable. If you or your Soulmate defaults on your soul contract, you will want to walk away. Without looking back. Your intuition and instincts will say "time to go." When that happens, leave them and do not look back. Especially if you kept your agreements and learned the lessons from that Soulmate. Feel confident and assured: you did your part. You're ready for the next step in your life.
Hope that explains Soulmate Conflicts. Conflicts will happen. Repair and remedy them together: that's always a part of every Soul Contract. If you cannot do that - walk away. If a Soulmate defaults, walk away. Don't look back. Make your life simple. Beating your head against a wall, daily or often, because someone (soulmate or not) drives you crazy? That's insanity. Change the situation. Change your behavior. Or let them go. Learn the lesson. Move forward with your new wisdom and freedom. Namaste -
Sedona Spirit Psychic - Robin Amanda