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Grief During Holidays


Whether you lost someone this year or 10 years ago, the holidays can be a very emotional time. Whether you lost someone through death, divorce or physical separation, this time of year can bring mixed emotions.


If you're grieving the loss of someone you love right now, here are some suggestions to help you make it through this difficult time of year. These tips may also help those who are supporting the grieving.


These suggestions are based on Angelic information plus my own grief recovery after my siblings were murdered in 1988 (when I was 24) and after my parents died 4 years ago.


Everyone grieves differently. You grieve at your own pace. Your grief is also unique because your relationship with your Loved One is unique. A sibling will grieve differently than a parent. A spouse will grieve differently than the Loved Ones' original family. A child, or adult child, of the deceased will grieve differently than everyone else too. A cousin, Aunt or Uncle will grieve differently than the Loved One's original family.


(1) If this is the first year without your Loved One, best recommendation is spending this holiday with the same family and friends "as usual". If you spent every Christmas with certain people, do that this year. Even if you don't want to. Keep the status quo holiday pattern.


Being with the same people with whom you normally celebrate the holidays is important. Each of you will grieve differently or be in different parts of the grief process. Staying together, being together, repeating your Holiday "status quo" helps each of you grieve. Each of you knew your Loved One. You have history with everyone. They have history with you. That foundation helps stabilize you and your emotions.


Honor your Loved One. Tell stories about them. Laugh, cry, talk, hug.


If this is the first year of grief and a family member close to the deceased chooses NOT to be part of this year's "status quo" Christmas, your current family member is exhibiting depression - the hardest part of grief.


Remedy? Ensure him/her attends your "status quo" family holiday events. Go visit him/her. Spend time with him/her. Listen more than talk. She/he should NOT be alone if exhibiting depression. Isolation is not the cure for depression. Isolation strengthens it. Which can lead to suicide, if left unchecked. Take that family member to your normal Christmas celebration.


(2) If you don't feel like Christmas shopping or gift-exchanges, don't do them. Let everyone else know "I'm not feeling it". When you grieve someone during the holidays, your heart and soul take over. That means Earth life is not that important. Gift-giving is part of the Earth experience. So if you don't feel like giving and receiving gifts this year, don't.


(3) Take your time. Appreciate where you "are." Be patient with you. If you loved the holidays in the past but now the love and luster are gone, let it be. Appreciate where you "are"; you may not feel your "normal" you right now. Appreciate and honor that about you. Be patient with yourself. Struggling and stressing to be the "old you" will not help you nor anyone else in your life. Grief is stressful. It's an underlying stress; happening below the surface of life. Whether this is the 1st or 10th year after losing someone - be gentle and patient with yourself.


(4) Some people delay their grief process. This could be the 6th Christmas without their Loved One. Yet, now they're falling apart. They were fine until 6 months ago. Appreciate that everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. Sometimes this is a good thing. Example. A grieving wife raising her toddlers may delay her true grief until her kids reach a certain age or development. The widow may exhibit strength and resolve the first 5 years after her husband died. This is the 6th Christmas without him. She cries often; can't concentrate; loses focus. She feels her children developed well; raised in balanced environment now. She's begun the true grieving process. She's in Step 1 of grief while other family members are in Step 5 (acceptance). Understand this is possible. Appreciate where each person "is" who is grieving your Loved One.


This particular scenario, "grief delay", reinforces the powerful positive results created by everyone grieving differently. If everyone in your Inner Circle lives in the same stage of the grief process, it's harder to support each other. It's basically impossible to support each other. Each of you is drowning in the same pool of quicksand. No one is running to your aid with a rope to pull you out!


(5) Find peace where you can and however you can. Seek peace. Take this magical season to reconnect with God, your Higher Power, The Universe or whatever your faith. Reinforce your Faith. This time of year, Heaven and Earth have no barrier between them. Use this highly-charged spiritual time to sit in silence. Reconnect with the source you've always believed in. Be still. Feel peace and grace fill you up. Take time to do this.


(6) If this isn't your 1st Christmas after your loss, and you want to go out of town - do it! No one says you MUST celebrate Christmas. During your 1st year of grief, keeping the status quo is important. You're sleepwalking that first year. After that? You're more aware of your grief process; what works and what doesn't. What activities and thoughts make you feel stronger and whole? Do those! Don't worry what other people might think. Your grief is as unique as a thumbprint. Honor you. Do what's best for you.


(7) Remember and honor your Loved One. Be around people who also remember him/her. Talk about him/her. Tell stories about him/her. Recall your fondest memories. With those who also remember. This is important. Give your Loved One life again. Especially this time of year. Your Loved One hears you when you speak about them.


(8) Light a Candle and say a prayer for your Loved One.


(9) Nurture yourself. Hug yourself. Whether that means curling up in a warm blanket while taking a nap. Or reading a book; taking an extra long bath; getting massage. Nurture and hug yourself. Get some alone time to be still and pamper you.


Wishing you Peace, Love, Light and Wholeness.


Merry Christmas

Robin Amanda, The Sedona Spirit Psychic



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