Losing someone you love through death is hard. Grieving their physical absence from your life is hard. However, there is a benefit: Clearing complex cobwebs of your relationship with them - after their death.
For the last 20+ years, I assist clients who want karmic closure with their deceased Lost Loved Ones. I channel answers from their deceased loved ones. Helped over 60,000 people clear their karmic confusion, get answers from their Loved Ones. Helping clients release, understand and move forward again. All the while, the "karmic closure" process with deceased loved ones didn't apply to me. Until this past year; after my mother died November 2017.
In 1988, when my older brother and younger sister were murdered in their 20's, the three of us had no real karma to clear. We had a wonderful relationship with each other: no cobwebs.
In 2016 when my father died, we had no complex karma to clear. We talked about a few things before and after his death. His main request: "Help your mother. She'll need you after I'm gone." So I did. Moved back to Houston to help her in late 2016, months after his death.
When my favorite Aunt died in mid-80s, we had no karma to clear. Grandparents' deaths? No karma to clear. Understood its importance. But it didn't apply to me. Until this past year.
This year's grief was much harder than any grief I felt in the past. Losing your mother and the last family member on Earth is not easy. This past year, I was rarely "rooted" on the planet. Emotionally bereft, angry, sad, disconnected, alone, exhausted from care-giving both parents. Ultimately, off-balanced in every area of life last 18 months.
Mother-daughter relationships can be complex. Depends on each individual. For daughters, we're our mothers' most treasured fruit and legacy. Our bonds are strong; even if we don't get along. Our expectations from them, their expectations from us, realistic or not, create a tangled, complex web. Unanswered prayers or wishes. Unrealized dreams. Strong sense of responsibility from both mother and daughter: complex relationship even if it's a positive, healthy one.
My mother & I had a complex relationship. We loved each other deeply - heart and soul - but also argued. She was a silly, hilarious, kind-hearted, honest, pure soul. She made everyone laugh, including me. She was a great mother & we had a close, loving relationship until I went to college in 1983. After Mark & Kara were murdered in 1988, our relationship changed even more. We were broken; our entire family was broken. Sometimes we said ugly things to each other. PTSD grief does that. When I needed advice or nurturing the most, she wasn't often nurturing nor present. She was angry. She had valid reasons. Burying two of your children (adult or non-adult) before the age of 50 fractures you. Our entire family was fractured after that day. Waking up in the morning, getting dressed and motivated was difficult for all of us (mom, dad, me) for almost 10 years. Supporting each other through grief and life's conflicts and challenges? Impossible for decades.
Mom died November 11, 2017 of Stage 4 Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. 16 days after the oncologist confirmed her cancer-positive MRI and bone marrow results. In 2011, she beat it at Stage 4. After her husband (my father) died, it came back with a vengeance. She chose a quick, relatively painless death; through hospice morphine care at my house. She died on her favorite number: 11-11.
Like with my father 2015-2016, I was my mother's caregiver May 2017, as her health declined. Sometimes we argued. Sometimes we laughed. She was in physical and emotional pain. She never mentioned the physical pain to me; and I didn't notice it. She needed help on the simplest things: paying bills, driving, shopping, decorating, scheduling doctor appointments, writing her name.
After dad died, her heart was broken; she "checked out" most of the time. Not caring about things anymore. My parents were together 58 years; married almost 56 years before his death. Living without him was hard for her. She had 2 strokes before the cancer diagnosis; one stroke occurred day before Hurricane Harvey hit Houston.
I was so busy "helping" her with daily tasks while balancing work and my own schedule; didn't sense her horrible pain before she died. Sensed she wanted to go; leave the planet. Didn't sense the severity of her feelings. Family members and friends saw it. For some reason, I didn't. After months of caring for her, I finally went out one night to listen to live music. She died while I was gone.
Before her death, some days we were nice to each other; some days we weren't. When she hired hospice and moved into my house with me, I called every family member and her close friends: "Please come visit Linda. She's dying." They all did. It was wonderful seeing everyone. Mom loved it and so did family members and close friends. That lasted about 2 weeks: people visiting. After they'd leave, she was exhausted and slept for hours. When she requested more morphine, hospice obliged. She died within days.
Thought after all the visits were done, we'd have one more day to talk before she left. I was wrong. Decades of angry, hostile words to each other (PTSD grief); decades of challenges, obstacles we both endured; decades of fun times and hard times - we didn't discuss any of that before she died. I wanted to. She wanted to. Thought she had more time on the planet. She didn't.
After her death, I worked with clients sparingly. Used my spiritual gifts-energy to heal myself and the karmic tie between me and her. We hadn't finished our "business" before she left the planet. A hole punctured my heart after she left. I felt "rootless", lost, lived in a fog most days. Missed her so much I could physically feel my heart break. She and I were close. We talked almost every day for decades. Arguments or not, I missed her.
Losing your mom is not easy - no matter the circumstances.
For years, we had a running joke. She'd say: "I will haunt you every day and night after I die. Be ready!" I'd respond: "No! Please don't! I'll turn off my abilities if you come near me! Stay in Heaven! Enjoy yourself!"
Well. After her death, she got the last laugh. She did not visit me for weeks after the funeral. She was at her funeral and post-funeral burial and dinner. Then she disappeared for a while.
When Mark and Kara died, they visited us within minutes. When dad died, he visited me within hours. When my Aunt died, she visited me the next day. After mom's funeral, I couldn't sense nor find her in the Spirit Realm. It frightened me. Where is she? Did she crossover? Is she in "purgatory" or stuck somewhere? What? My Spirit Guides-Angels did not help. They gave no answer. Confused me. Why couldn't I find her? I find loved ones for clients within 10 seconds. What gives? Took a few weeks before I realized why she wasn't "haunting" me. I told her not to! She listened & obliged.
After I realized our "bargain", I asked to change it. Made deal with her and Heaven: "I'm ready when she is. We're not done yet." Sometimes I'd ask for her and my Spirit Guides replied: "Not right now. She's busy. Here are some images, memories from your past with her. Understand the message." Those images made me cry and miss her more. She was my last living family member. I missed our life; our family; our history. She was busy. Having fun with everyone in "Heaven". Her sister, husband, mother, grandmother, aunt, her kids Mark & Kara and good friends. Visiting places they all enjoyed. Like in life, mom was a social butterfly in Heaven-Spirit Realm. Lots of friends and family, laughter, playing.
Twice she surfaced when I least expected it and needed to focus. "Mom, not right now. Can you give me some space?" She'd reply "Nothing changes! OK. You called me a few hours ago. Call me back. I'm just your mother, you know." We both giggled then she vanished in the vapors. Nothing had changed.
Once she sneaked into a client session. Startled me. Client sessions are sacred. My Spirit Guides protect that boundary like bulldogs. No interference from other "entities" except who/what clients request. Within seconds, they kept her busy while I finished with the client. Immediately afterward, she chimed in about something important I needed to do - that I'd forgotten. After her death, there was still paperwork, doctor bills to pay, funeral-related expenses, insurance phone calls, credit cards and bank accounts to close. I was in such a fog, often forgot the simplest things.
Spent days half on Earth; half in Spirit Realm - processing my emotions, loss, grief. Trying to understand if I let her down or not. Reviewing the "to do" list we shared that wasn't complete. Feeling all the loss - losing her, dad, Mark, Kara. All of the sadness & emptiness flooded my senses every other hour - for months.
A few days after she barged into my client session, she apologized: "that's cool what you do. I never knew how it worked until now. Sorry I bothered you. Just curious if you really had the gift. Won't happen again. Your Spirit Guides are tough gatekeepers! They didn't care that I was your mother."
Before mom first "appeared" after her funeral, I'd have sweet dreams about our past. I'd wake up with good memories; then bad memories later that day. Emotional rollercoaster. Next day, I'd wake up with bad memories; then good memories later. Processing our past; my past. Happy one minute; sad the next; angry the next. Cycle of memories & emotions repeated after our visits began. Flashbacks continue even today.
When mom & I started talking, it made us both emotionally raw at first. Anger, resentment, guilt: that complex relationship we had. Negative stuff cleared quickly, within 24-48 hours. Then we'd laugh. Moving from negative to clearing it to positive: took a lot of energy. Didn't help that "rootless" feeling; but happy we were talking, clearing our past.
After you lose someone close to you, double up on supplements, minerals, electrolytes. You use tons of energy you may not be aware of. Subconscious (emotion), super-conscious (spiritual) energy. Your physical body needs twice its normal dose of vitamins, minerals, supplements. Take care of your body while you grieve.
Clearing and communicating happened faster than when my mother still lived on the planet. Every day, after her first personal "spiritual" visit, we'd talk; she'd show images; I'd show images; we telepathically communicated. About 1 hour per day; usually at a certain time each day (eg daily at 10am). Processing our past; talking about things we needed to talk about. One hour was all we needed each day. Much shorter time than when she lived on the planet. Before her death, we normally talked on phone 2-hours each time; still finding things to talk about the next day. We rarely talked about grief, expectations or emotional things. She would sometimes. I would sometimes. But not often. That's what we talked about after her death.
After her death, our talks were deeper and more meaningful. She understood more & quicker. I understood more & quicker. Ideas, feelings, answers happen faster in The Spirit Realm. Stream of consciousness is quicker and more concentrated in that realm. It's telepathic. Thoughts, messages flash about like lightning strikes. Each strike representing complex thoughts, feelings, answers. That's our natural soul state.
Took over 12 months after her death for us to "clear" our complex karmic cobwebs; created this lifetime. From Dec 2017 through last week (Jan 16, 2019). We slowly processed and reminisced about the good and bad times. We talked about other lifetimes we shared. We did it slowly. Together. Very meaningful. Touched us both.
Mom and I cleared the last bit of karmic confusion while I was grocery shopping at Safeway last week. Glad most people in this town aren't psychic mediums. I was surrounded by 7 deceased family members, plus 2 close friends (now deceased) who helped me search for Hershey's Cocoa and Organic Oats in Aisle 10!
Mom inserted the last piece of our karmic tapestry in the Baking Aisle of Safeway. Fitting. She was a mix between Betty Crocker, June Cleaver and Erma Bombeck. While searching for Cocoa and Oats, she showed images of me and her cooking in the kitchen. First I was 5 years old. Then 12. Then 16. "Those were the best times of my life," she said. "Teaching you how to bake and cook. You make the best brownies. Everything from scratch. And you don't measure! Like Granny."
Tears ran down my face - those were wonderful times for me too. She continued: "Remember when you made that huge loaf of braided bread? You were what, 7 years old? You always made me proud. Even when I acted the opposite."
I paused to let her message sink in. Looked around and relieved that no one else (living) was in the aisle with all of us.
Telepathically replied to her: "You were the best mom on the planet. We all knew that, mom. That's why everyone visited our house all the time. You made everything better." My dad, brother and sister, standing in the baking aisle, agreed. My long-time friend Bruce (now deceased) said: "I loved going to y'all's house. Always fun, warm. Something freshly made in the kitchen. Made me feel good. Amanda - I liked you for your mom." Everyone laughed. In the baking aisle at Safeway.
Through tears, I telepathically said: "Mom, don't leave me for good. Might still need you in the future." She replied "Not until you tell me to go. Besides, you suck at choosing men. Find a good one. Stop lowering your standards. Don't waste my cooking lessons."
Found the cocoa and oats. Stood in the aisle a while longer, allowing it all to sink in; gathering composure. Thanked everyone. Told them I loved them, "especially you mom. Thank you." Cried silently. Then slowly made my way to the cashier.
Karmic closure complete. Hearts filled with love and light (me, mom, dad, Mark, Kara, friend Bruce). After 12 months of living in pain and grief, remembering good memories and bad, feeling guilt, anger, resentment, confusion. Going from happy to sad in one millisecond. It all disappeared. Cobwebs and emotional instability gone. Cleared by love and laughter. Safeway's Baking Aisle will never feel the same again.
When you love someone, that love never dies. Whether they still live on the planet or not. Love never dies. Love mixed with laughter: best medicine. My mother's legacy: turning bad into good; turning sour into laughter; lightening the load of life. She was an expert at that. She still is.
All of us have the power and talent of clearing Karma or confusion with our Loved ones after their deaths. Whether man or woman; young or old - our souls can still communicate with souls in Heaven. Being a professional psychic-medium makes it easier to talk about it; but everyone can - with or without a psychic-channel to guide you.
Several misconceptions about our connections to Loved Ones after they cross over. I'll discuss that in a future post - in detail. Overall, your love or grief does not keep them in "purgatory". Nor does it prevent them from moving forward. I learned that this past year - deeply. After helping over 60,000 clients last 20+ years communicate with their Loved Ones, helping them clear any karmic cobwebs - it took this past year after my mother's death to fully understand it all. I'm a slow-learner.
--Sedona Spirit Psychic - Robin Amanda